Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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