with your own penis?
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
