didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
