So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Send help, water and tortillas.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
