Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
