She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
