After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
