Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
