it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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