How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
