Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
