batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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