It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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