The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
