I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
