he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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