Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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