It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
