I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
