Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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