Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
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Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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