My liver just broke up with me...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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