Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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