There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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