ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
