If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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