I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
