I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
