she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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