At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
