i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
