Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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