Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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