im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize