So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings