Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra