i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high