Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
