I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
