happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
