Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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