Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
