Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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