I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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