no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
