Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
