the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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