I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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