you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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