I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
