just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
