im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
