It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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