Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
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In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love