I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
