girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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