can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
