Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
