scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
