Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Its about making memories worth repressing
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
