Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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