Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
