Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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