I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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