i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
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Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
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The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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