I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
