I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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