My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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