I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
