i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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