DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Randomize
