What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
