new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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